A bard is thrown toes over nose down a stairway. Her face is masked in colorful paint, somehow still unmarred by the blood. One taunt too many inspired the local strongman to teach her a lesson, but down there, lying crumpled by the doors, she spreads a red-lipped grin. She draws on a rope the strongman was too furious to spy, and the knot around his ankles brings him down with her. Only one of them gets back up.
The clown is an archetype of the bard class.
Limit Breaks (Su)
At 1st level, the clown receives the Limit Breaks (Displeased Smile and Horrible Cackle).
Displeased Smile (Su): This Limit Break lets the clown’s enemies within a 30-ft.-radius know of her displeased smile with them. Enemies within the area of effect must make a Will save (DC 10 + half of the bard’s level + her Charisma modifier) or a suffer a -2 penalty to attack rolls, skill checks, and saving throws for a duration of 1 round + 1 round per four bard levels after 1st. The penalty increases by another -2 per four bard levels after 1st. This limit break requires only a swift action.
Horrible Cackle (Su): This Limit Break lets the clown emit a horrible cackle towards her opponents causing non-elemental damage in a 60-ft.-cone. Enemies in the area of effect take 2d6 points of non-elemental damage + an additional 2d6 points of damage per four bard levels after 1st, a Fortitude save (DC 10 + half of the bard’s level + her Charisma modifier) or be stunned for 1 round.
These abilities replace the bard’s standard limit breaks.
Illusion Magic
At 1st level, a clown studies closely with illusion magic instead of bard songs.
A clown casts illusionist spells which are drawn from the illusionist spell list. (up to 6th level) A clown begins play with 3 1st level illusion spells of her choice. The clown also selects a number of additional 1st-level spells equal to her Charisma modifier to add to her list of spells. Each time a character attains a new bard level, she gains two spells of her choice to add to her list of spells. The two free spells must be of spell levels she can cast. Like most mages, a clown can find or purchase scrolls with spells to add to her repertoire.
To learn or cast an illusionist spell, the clown must have a Charisma score equal to at least 10 + the spell level (Cha 11 for 1st-level spells, Cha 12 for 2nd-level spells, and so forth). The Difficulty Class for a saving throw against a clown’s spell is 10 + the spell level + her Charisma modifier. In addition, a clown gains additional MP for having a high attribute (Charisma).
Clowns also learn a number of cantrips, or 0-level spells. These spells are cast like any other spell, but they do not consume MP and may be used again. Clowns begin with 4 0-level spells and gain an additional 0-level spell every three levels after 1st level.
This ability replaces bard songs and jingles.
Melee Mischief (Ex)
At 1st level, a clown rejoices in using unconventional weaponry to confuse her enemies and entertain her friends. She is considered proficient in using all manner of improvised weapons, and the minimum damage for an improvised weapon in her hands becomes 1d6.
This ability replaces musical power.
Pratfall (Ex)
At 1st level, there is a scary way to get hit, and a funny way to get hit. Even in the heat of combat, a clown can almost always manage to turn it from the former into the latter. When struck by an attack, she may choose to roll with the punches and fall to the ground, sometimes avoiding damage entirely. When an enemy makes an attack that would normally beat her AC, she may use an immediate action to add her Charisma modifier as a dodge bonus to her AC for that turn, falling prone to avoid damage. Additionally, she can choose to rise from prone as a swift acion on her turn, rather than using a move action to stand from prone.
This ability replaces countersong.
Slapstick (Ex)
It’s not very important whether the clown succeeds or fails, all that matters is whether she tried. That is, unless she is trying to fail!
At 2nd level, a clown gains access to a pool of Slapstick Dice to help her fumble her attacks and saving throws in new and wonderful ways. She starts each day with a number of Slapstick Dice equal to her Charisma modifier, which replenishes after a day of rest. These dice start as d6’s, d8’s at 6th level, d10’s at 10th level, and d12’s at 15th level.
Each time the clown fails an attack roll or saving throw, she may expend a Slapstick Die to make her roll even lower. The number rolled on her Slapstick Die reduces the value of her d20 roll, not the modifier added to it. Thus, if she rolls a 5 on her attack roll and a 4 on her Slapstick Die, she is considered to have rolled a natural 1, and may activate a Fumble Prank.
If the number rolled on her Slapstick Die is higher than the number rolled on her d20 roll, the result is considered to be a 1. As she gains levels in the bard class and her Slapstick Dice grows, she may choose to roll any die between the d6 and her largest die. For example, at 10th level, she may choose to roll her 1d10, 1d8, or 1d6. At higher levels, she uses this to help her achieve the Prank she desires.
This ability replaces well-versed and a song talent gained at 8th level.
Improved Fumble (Ex)
An adventurer’s life is full of trials, and while some strive to conquer them as much heroism and dignity as they can muster, as a clown, she is more interested in failing in the funniest way possible. At 2nd level, a clown can turn her fumbled d20 rolls into openings for a bizarre and wonderful set of Pranks.
The clown chooses one Prank from the list of Fumbled Pranks (below). Each time she rolls a 1 on a d20 roll, she has an opportunity to activate her Fumbled Prank. The text of each Prank will tell the clown whether it can be activated on an attack roll, skill check, or saving throw. She gains an additional Fumble Prank at 9th level, and a third at 17th level. Her first Fumble Prank is triggered when she rolls a 1 on the die. The second is triggered when she rolls a 1 or 2, and the third is triggered when she rolls a 1, 2, or 3.
Some Fumble Pranks require the clown to reach a certain level before they can be chosen. Each time she gains a level in the bard class, she may swap one Fumble Prank she knows for another from the list.
This ability replaces versatile performance and deadly performance.
Fumble Pranks (Ex/Su/Sp)
If a Fumble Prank has prerequisites, the clown must meet the prerequisites to learn it. She must learn the prank at same time that she meets its prerequisites. The DC for these pranks are calculated as follows: DC 10 + half her bard level + her Charisma modifier.
Anvil Drop (Ex): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she reveals that the foe she attacked was not her real target. Her swing severs a previously unseen rope. It releases a falling anvil, chandelier, piano, etc. which does her work for her. The target must make a Reflex save. On a failure, they take 8d10 points of bludgeoning damage. On a success, the damage is halved. Prerequisite: Clown 17
Attention Grabber (Ex): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll or saving throw, she makes a fool of herself in such a way that no one would ever notice the lesser mistakes of her allies. The first ally within 60 feet of the clown to fail on an attack roll, saving throw, or skill check before the start of the clown’s next turn may roll the d20 again and take the better result. Prerequisite: Clown 5
Bologna (Sp): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll or saving throw, she can produce an uncanny, illusory double to take her place. She may cast Mislead without expending MP. Prerequisite: Clown 17
Break Ranks (Ex): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she prompts her allies to scramble. The clown chooses an ally within 60 feet of her. That ally may move up to their movement speed without provoking opportunity attacks. Prerequisite: Clown 5
Break Wind (Sp): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she may cast Stinking Cloud without expending MP. Prerequisite: Clown 9
Buffon (Ex): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she can contort her face into a grotesque mask to frighten those nearby. Enemies adjacent to the clown must succeed a Will saving throw or be frightened for 1 minute. If a creature frightened in this way begins their turn outside of her line of sight, they may attempt a new saving throw. Prerequisite: Clown 5
Crack a Smile, Break a Spell (Su): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, it is so startling that it may break an enfeebling effect on one of her allies. The clown chooses an ally within 60 feet of her, and she ends any effect on them which makes them charmed or frightened. Prerequisite: Clown 9
Crack Up (Su): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she has an opportunity to crack up a nearby spellcaster, making them lose their concentration on a spell, The clown selects a creature within 60 feet of her. If that creature is maintaining concentration on a spell, their concentration is broken. Prerequisite: Clown 13
Foolmaker (Sp): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she may cast Confusion without expending MP. Prerequisite: Clown 13
Play Possum (Sp): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, skill check, or saving throw, she may cast Feign Death on herself without expending MP. At the start of each turn while the spell lasts, she may choose to end its’ effect. Prerequisite: Clown 9
Roundabout (Su): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she may use the opportunity to slip out of one opponent’s sight. With fancy footwork, she is able to shadow them so well so well that to their eyes, she has vanished into thin air, The clown chooses an enemy adjacent to her. To that enemy, it is as if she is under the effect of the Vanish spell. Even if one of their allies tells them she is behind them, she avoids their line of sight expertly enough that they deny it. The effect ends when the clown makes an attack against the enemy, or are no longer adjacent to them. When the enemy moves, she may follow them so long as it does not exceed her movement speed. She may only use this Prank at one enemy at a time. Prerequisite: Clown 5
Shake the Board (Ex): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she may tumble across the battlefield and take the place of an ally. The clown chooses an ally within 30 feet of her. She and that ally may swap places without provoking opportunity attacks. Prerequisite: Clown 9
Tickle Tickle (Sp): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll or saving throw, she can make one creature laugh whether they like it or not. The clown performs Hideous Laughter without expending any MP.
Tough Crowd (Su): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she can draw the ire of an entire room to her. Enemies within 60 feet of her must make a Will save. Those who fail are angered, and rush to get her within arm’s reach, moving up to their movement speed in her direction. This movement does not provoke attacks of opportunity. Prerequisite: Clown 13
Vanishing Act (Sp): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll or saving throw, she may cast Hop without expending MP. She leaves in her place a balloon dummy that loosely resembles herself or a creature within her line of sight. Prerequisite: Clown 5
Wet Spot (Sp): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, skill check, or saving throw, she can cast Oil, centered on herself, without expending any MP. The oil is not difficult terrain for the clown, and she automatically succeeds on saving throws against the spell when she casts it.
Whiff, Unwiffed (Ex): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she may make one more attack roll, rolling twice, taking the best out of the 2 rolls.
Woozy Moves (Ex): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she may replace her attack with a +2 dodge bonus to her AC for the round.
Your Turn (Ex): When the clown fumbles on an attack roll, she creates an opening for one of her allies to pick up the slack. The clown chooses an ally within 30 feet of her. They may make a melee or ranged weapon attack against the creature she missed. Prerequisite: Clown 5
Balloon Arts (Ex)
Starting at 3rd level, a clown learns to turn simple balloons into dynamic tools at her disposal. These balloons gain different properties based on the shapes she chooses for them. Each balloon can be inflated as a swift action, and takes up a 5-ft.-square adjacent to her. They have AC 10 and 1 HP, and are immune to bludgeoning damage. She may inflate a number of balloons each day equal to her bard level. Her balloons can take the following forms:
- Cloud: Creates a cluster of five balloons. At the end of each turn, a single creature or object tied to the cloud floats 10 feet straight up, to a maximum of 60 feet. During their turn, the holder may pop any number of balloons and fall 10 feet for each one released, without taking damage. If the balloons are popped by an attack, the/at creature does fall damage. The balloons can carry any small or medium creature, and any object weighing up to the weight of a grand piano. After a minute, any creature or object still attach to the balloons, slowly descends 10 feet a round.
- Punching Bag: This balloon is studier than the others, with 2 HPs per bard level. This balloon provides three quarters cover to creatures standing behind it. If the clown releases the string, it stays in place. Otherwise, it follows the clown in an adjacent square of her choice.
This ability replaces inspiration.
Sword Swallower (Ex)
At 4th level, a fumble causes a clown to cough up either a dagger or a small improvised weapon. She may wield it in an open hand, or spit it as a ranged weapon attack as an enemy within 15 feet.
This ability replaces wide audience.
Double Act (Ex)
At 4th level, a clown can rope an unwitting enemy into being her scene partner. She becomes attuned to their movements, capitalizing on their failures to make surprising jabs on her own. When an enemy fails an attack roll against the clown, she may use her immediate action to make a melee or ranged weapon attack against them. If this attack does not hit or fumble, she regains the use of her immediate action for the turn.
This ability replaces medley.
Magical Mischief (Su)
At 6th level, the chicanery a clown can pull with improvised weapons has become sublime. Improvised weapons she wields are considered magical, and attacks with them deal an additional 1d6 points of non-elemental damage. Being beaten with a rubber chicken hurts the psyche as well as the body.
This ability replaces suggestion.
Clown Car (Su)
At 7th level, a clown can use her standard action to produce a short-lived Portable Hole for her allies to pile into. The Portable Hole is unstable, held together by collective delusion. It exists for only one hour at a time, and can only handle the burden of living creatures and their possessions. Once activated, she cannot use this ability again until she has had an 8-hours of rest.
This ability replaces skilled performer.
Massive Mischief (Su)
At 8th level, a clown has taught her weapons that repetition is the heart of comedy. Each time that she misses an attack with an improvised weapon, the weapon increases in size. After missing an attack, the base damage of her improvised weapon becomes 1d12. If it is already 1d12 or higher, increase its damage by 1d12 to a maximum of 3d12. Once she makes a successful attack, the weapon’s damage reverts to what it was originally.
This ability replaces dirge of doom.
Balloon Animals (Su)
At 12th level, a clown adds more shapes to her balloon repertoire.
- Chocobo: This balloon can act as a real life chocobo, though it maintains the HP and AC of a balloon, and its attacks deal no damage. It acts on the clown’s turn, and follows her commands. If it receives no commands, it stands still, rubbing its legs together to make an annoying squeaking sound. The balloon chocobo is lighter than air and has a fly speed of 30 feet.
- Humanoid: People are animals too, and whatever those druids say, clowns knew this before anybody else. When the clown is hit by an attack, she may use her immediate action to quickly blow a humanoid balloon to block part of the blow. This balloon pops immediately, reducing the damage dealt to her by an amount equal to her bard level.
This ability replaces soothing performance.
Pity Party (Ex)
At 13th level, a clown has mastered the sadsack face of the pierrot. Man, and beast alike will hesitate to strike her while she is down. Enemies no longer gain any bonuses while she is prone. If an enemy misses an attack against the clown while prone, she may rise from prone as an immediate action.
This ability replaces can’t stop my performance.
Punching Bag (Su)
At 14th level, a clown’s allies trust that she can survive anything, and seeing her in peril actually bolsters their hope that they can survive as well. At the start of each turn in which she is grappled, restrained, paralyzed, or blinded, allies within 30 feet who can see her gain temporary hit points equal to her bard level.
This ability replaces frightening tune.
Percussion Pop (Su)
At 16th level, a clown fills her balloons with a single thunderous breath, which is released when they pop. Any enemy adjacent to the popped balloon must succeed on a Fortitude save (DC 10 + half the bard’s level + her Charisma modifier) or take 4d8 points of lightning damage and be deafened for one minute. If they succeed, damage is halved and they are not deafened. Cloud balloons only damage when the final one is popped.
This ability replaces unstoppable performance.
Reverse Critical (Ex)
At 17th level, no one a clown encounters can tell whether she actually knows how to fight or not. At any moment, she can make a wide swing or a missed shot come back around as a deadly spin or the start of a fatal chain reaction. When the clown reaches this level, she gains the ability to roll a natural 0 on her attack rolls. Under most circumstances, when she applies her slapstick die to a roll, the minimum value she can reach is 1. With Reverse Critical, however, a new option arises. If the value of her Slapstick die, subtracted from the value of her d20 roll, equals precisely 0, treat that roll as a critical hit against the opponent she was attacking.
This ability replaces 1 MP song.
Last Laugh (Su)
At 20th level, a clown has learned to share the truth all clowns hold in their hearts: That there is a joke hidden in even amidst terrible violence, and the value of a laugh can outweigh all the petty grudges we hold.
When any creature with an Intelligence score greater than 3 makes a damage roll that would reduce her hit points to 0, they must make a Will saving throw or become charmed by her for 8 hours. The DC of this Will save is equal to 20 + her Charisma modifier. If the creature fails this saving throw, the charm draws a spring of laughter from deep within them. They cease their attack, reducing the clown to 1 hit point rather than 0, and any further attempts to attack her only result in more laughter, paralyzing them for round per attempt. The target and the clown’s allies may still attack one another, but the charm ends if she deals damage to the charmed creature.
This ability replaces master bard.